DawnKA

June 17, 2022December 2, 2022

Conversations & Coffee – All Of Us!

It all began in the Fall of 2019. Conversations & Coffee was off to a great start, hosting in person sessions. With the holidays and the New Year upon us, the plan was to pick up in the Spring of 2020. However, as 2020 rolled in with its own plan, we quickly shifted to Zoom. The concerns were varied as the lock down placed a pause on treatments, hospitalizations and screenings.

The struggle as you know it, was really real. Many cancer patients were afraid to go to their appointments. They expressed their concerns with being exposed to the virus, as the health care professionals themselves, were most likely exposed. The fear of missing appointments and the fear of getting COVID-19 was overwhelming. It was a nightmare.

In the summer of 2020, the sessions included speaking to families who were grieving the loss of a loved one who died of COVID-19. We explored the possibility of a vaccine and the concerns that come along with it. It was a difficult season for everyone.

The participants varied from millennials to seniors. Some sessions would include families who would sit in with their loved one. It was a beautiful, thoughtful and engaging experience. We were all home bound, bonding through this unfamiliar season.

Moving forward to the summer of 2021, Conversations & Coffee hosted an informative session with the All of Us Research Program presented by La Keshia Jones, Engagement Manager and Retention Lead – NYC Consortium at Columbia University Irving Medical Center. It was time to expand our topics to include being a part of something bigger. The pandemic was certainly an experience that served as a major disruptor to assess our overall health. One thing is certain, the health disparities remain disproportionately high within the minority population.

Through the All of Us Research Program, participants will learn how it can offer the important information of their family’s health history and their genetic makeup which is essential in how each individual receive medical care. The DNA will also provide an insight to their ancestry line. The participant will also have the opportunity to meet with a genetic counselor in the event that they identify any risk factors for certain diseases – and the best part of it all – it is free!

Summer 2022 is upon us, and we have hosted a few more sessions with Jekolbi Brown, Director at Pyxis Partners. The main goal is to get as many participants as possible to enroll and spread the word. In the meantime, go grab your favorite cup so you can sip while you click the link to learn more about the All of Us Research Program.

Dr. Francis Collins (former Director of the National Institutes of Health)

June 13, 2021

Lessons from summer 2020 looking forward to summer 2021

Summer is almost here and after the summer of 2020, the anticipation to get back to normal is at its peak. While some folks are fully vaccinated, there are some who have not taken that step. It’s a personal decision that must be carefully considered. Whatever the choice, we must proceed with caution.

Last summer, we were happily home bound. The lock down gave us the opportunity to take a look around and make the best of our situation. It was time to make our home the place to be – we ordered potted plants for the porch, headed out to the nursery and purchased more indoor plants, planted vegetables in the garden, cleaned up the birdbath, added a sprinkler and some plants in it and watched the birds and squirrels gather around it to hangout. We put out the hammocks and chairs in the backyard, painted bricks and rocks, and had a field day ordering everything online (groceries, food delivery, household items, etc.). We would put our masks on and go for walks around the neighborhood. We read our books, watched movies and documentaries, listened to music, danced, worked out, had long conversations, and occasionally enjoyed breakfast or lunch while we sat on the porch. It was a great way to appreciate and enhance our home life experience.

We created themes for our backyard barbecues and brunches. We would order the items on line and then we would be in Hawaii, or somewhere in the Caribbean. Normally, we would go out to a restaurant with the family to celebrate birthdays or anniversaries but this time, we were setting up with balloons and animated themes – it was all sort of wonderful.

This summer, we are doing more of the same. While we may occasionally venture out, we will definitely enjoy the oasis that we have created at home. We also created a spot we call The Healing Center – it has plants and flowers. We go there to meditate, give thanks or just sit quietly. It is a very small narrow space, yet it is there where we are often treated to the songs of the birds as they serenade us, while surrounded by nature. It’s a complete vibe.

Summer 2021 is almost here and the anticipation to get back to the pre-pandemic stage is already evident. People are out and about, it’s only natural that we want to be able to mingle and flow freely as we once did. However, if you or someone you love immune’s system is compromised due to an illness or treatment, it is extremely important to protect and guard yourself whether you are fully vaccinated or not. Find ways to enhance your time. The pandemic served as a reminder to make the best of our situation. It was the time where we became master chefs, bakers, interior designers, gardeners, painters, artists – making the adjustments to continue to enjoy life the best way that we can. Let us raise our glasses, cheers to a fun filled safe summer 2021!

May 18, 2021

Health & Wellness begins on Monday

Are you one of those who will make the weekend decision to begin on Monday? “Starting on Monday I will eat healthy, exercise and try to maintain a healthy diet and weight.” Of course, there are those who will make the attempt on Monday and successfully make it through the week with their goals. However, there are some who with the best intentions fall off the track simply by eating a snack or making a food choice that they know is not the best healthy choice – using that moment to then continue to eat whatever and as much as they want with the new proclamation to begin the healthy plan again next week. There are also the office events, someone’s leaving, someone’s birthday, someone felt like bringing in a homemade pie or cookies, etc. and you certainly do not want to offend anyone so you indulge. On the other hand, it may be missing the morning run or a gym day. Whatever the situation, do not allow it to take you completely off your track.

Keep in mind that you are working to improve your health and wellness. Therefore,you will need to make the necessary adjustments. So you missed a day at the gym, or you woke up late and could not go for your walk/run, you enjoyed a meal or snack that is not on your healthy plan list, the next meal should be one that is healthy. If possible, use the stairs on your way out of the office. Once you are home, plan to do some jumping jacks, sit ups, push ups, and any other indoor exercises that may work for you.

Good health requires consistency and it is a work in progress. The challenge is to eat healthy and maintain a well balanced diet to enjoy a healthy and prolonged life. Keep moving through the detours, you will find that you are well on your way in the right direction. It is very important to note that diet and exercise may lower your risk for cancer and here’s more on helping cancer survivors eat better and exercise more.

January 25, 2021

New Year! What’s The Plan

We’re well into the first month of the 2021 with COVID19 and the new strains of the virus, schools are shutting down due to positive cases, many places of businesses have closed, people are working from home, millions are unemployed, yet there has been a sense of hope for a turn around in 2021.

The COVID19 Vaccine offers an optimism from researchers, medical professionals as well as the general population at large. While Pfizer and Moderna are currently being administered to various members of the population, Moderna is working on a booster shot for the new South African strain of the virus. Not that we need this in our lives right now, but the new strain of the virus in the United Kingdom is reported to be even more deadly.

We all want to go back to living our lives the way we used to, but alas, here we are adjusting to this new way of life and quietly praying for things to get better real soon. It’s important that we adhere to the simple guidelines as suggested by the Center for Disease Control;

Wear a mask to protect yourself and others and stop the spread of COVID-19.
Stay at least 6 feet (about 2 arm lengths) from others who don’t live with you.
Avoid crowds. The more people you are in contact with, the more likely you are to be exposed to COVID-19.

One thing for certain, 2021 can be the year we use the experience of the countless lives lost to the virus, to adhere to the guidelines. Let’s make every effort to keep ourselves and our loved ones safe by doing everything we can to prevent the virus as far away as possible.

So what’s the plan?

Prevent getting sick

October 12, 2020

Falling for Fall

As we enter into the fourth quarter of the year, we can only look back with great wonderment of what we have experienced within the last 8 months of 2020. Last year this time, we were out and about with a sense of knowing how to best navigate through our day. Whether it is going in for a cancer screening, doctor’s appointment, therapy, work, shopping or just running some simple errands – those days are long gone. We are now living in the era of a pandemic that is taking the world by it’s throat.

The new protocols are set to help us mitigate the spread of the coronavirus. While there are some people who are resisting the guidelines set by the top healthcare professionals, there is a majority of people who understand the importance of taking a unified approach to not only protect themselves but to protect others.

Fall is here and the chill is in the air. It is the time where we stay indoors more often. Families are huddled at home keeping warm. Not to mention those who live with room mates where there is limited control on the comings and goings of each person, including whom they may bring into the space. There is also the homeless shelter mixed with families and others who are also sharing a space. Why are we considering these people? We are a part of society. We travel to and from work, use the public transportation, open and close doors, shop in the stores, ride in car services, among other things. The people who have the highest risk of dying from COVID-19 are those who have pre-existing conditions. If you have cancer or even as a cancer survivor, it is important to avoid being exposed to the virus.

It is very important to make every effort to adhere to the standards of keeping a distance from others, wearing a mask, washing your hands and avoid touching your face. When you return to your living space, wash your hands. When you bring your groceries in, wipe them down with a disinfectant, wipe down the handles of the appliances, the door knobs, the faucets, any handle that is frequently used should be disinfected – including the handles on the toilet as well. I know it all seems to be a bit much but as we are still learning more about the virus each day, we cannot afford to let our guards down. With her most nurturing efforts, my mother would say – an ounce of prevention is worth more than a pound of cure. If only we could all take that approach, we may be able to get through this pandemic with less fatalities than we had in the height of the Spring and Summer season.

June 30, 2020

Cancer and Coronavirus

The challenge of cancer during a pandemic

Summer is here and what a year it has been. We are half way through the year and as it was just a mere six months ago when everyone who endured the winter season, looked forward to the warm weather and just before Spring arrived, we were faced with a terrifying virus that caused the country to ask their citizens to shelter in place while they figured out how to contain the coronavirus.

Everything changed within a matter of days. The number of cases climbed so high as hundreds of people were dying daily, then it was thousands and the hospitals were overwhelmed. New York was preparing for the worst using every resource available, including make shift hospitals in Central Park and the Jacob Javits Center. The Navy Hospital Ship Comfort came to help with the non-covid patients as the hospitals were running out of space and could not accommodate their regular level of patients.

It was just too much to take in. The news coverage was focused on hearing from the healthcare experts, while they too figured out how to address this relatively unknown monster. First, they said, just wash your hands and avoid touching your face, you’ll be just fine if you follow these simple rules. “Don’t wear a mask!” they emphasized, “Leave that to the health professionals.” We quickly learned that the advice was not enough. They initially thought it was most likely going to affect the elderly and immunocompromised – until it was not the case. The death rates were highest among the minority population, but make no mistake, people from all ages and races were dying. Yet, while all this was going on, some people pushed back and refused to take COVID-19 seriously they failed to adhere to the precautionary and safety measures. Somehow, it became about their constitutional rights.

However, for those with cancer, the concern is grave. What about the treatments? Will it affect my chance at survival? Can I go to the hospital for treatment? Will I catch the virus if I go to the hospital or my doctor’s office? How will I get there? Do I have a chance at all? Cancer patients are most vulnerable during treatment and cannot afford to be exposed to anything, not even the common cold. The body needs to work on regaining its health and as it is literally in the fight for life mode, the last thing it needs is to contract a virus, especially the coronavirus.

The plea to all is simply, wear a mask. Avoid large crowds, stay home, stay safe, try to keep your loved ones free from exposure even if you don’t feel sick or have any symptoms, you may be a carrier. In the event that you do not live with your family or have no plans to visit, be mindful that there are others who are merely trying to keep themselves and their loved ones safe.

In the meantime, for the cancer patient, avoid going out unless it is absolutely necessary this summer. Stay home, wash your hands whenever you are handling anything from the outside, clean it off. Disinfect your your door knobs, the handles or the area where you open and close the refrigerator door, your toilet handle, the faucet knobs/handles, any area where others may have touched the surfaces, you want to keep your environment clean. If you have a backyard, go out and plant some flowers, vegetables or plants. Read a good book, watch some movies or binge watch your favorite shows, try out some new shows. Be creative, cook, draw, paint, bake, write, join an online group that features your favorite hobby, watch some things of interest on YouTube. Whatever it takes to keep you occupied, take this time to make the best of being indoors. Most importantly, wear a mask, even when you are home and someone comes to visit.

Summer 2020 will come and pass, make it a safe and enjoyable one.

December 18, 2019December 18, 2019

How Do You Handle Death?

One of the most awful experiences is watching your loved one slowly transition on to death. Some may say that it gives one time to adjust to the reality that death is on the way as you will no longer be able to share your lives together. However, for some it really doesn’t matter whether you have time to adjust or whether you get the news that your loved one has just died suddenly – without any warning. The pain of losing a loved one cannot be measured by the time you have or have not had to prepare for the loss.

I know how it is to lose a loved one with time to say good bye, make amends, adjust, etc. and I also know what it’s like to get the phone call that your loved one has just died suddenly when all seemed perfectly normal and neither forewarning or sudden death feels different to me. It all hurts! It really feels like the world has a lot of nerve moving forward while your world has just suffered a severe blow.

The next step is to digest the reality that it will never be the same and although you hear some people say that they know that their loved one is with them, it’s still not the same. Holidays, birthdays, family reunions, weddings, graduations, births, etc. will serve as a reminder that your loved one is gone forever.

Then comes the awkward period, the time when you hear from those who want to express their condolences. Be prepared to hear some thoughtful, encouraging, well meaning sentiments and also some outrageous comments. Yes, somehow some people who really mean well will say some things that can be quite insensitive.

Here are some words that are quite inconsiderate:

* Well, he/she lived a long life (and who are you? the timekeeper? Living a long life does not mean much when you are mourning the loss of someone you’ve shared your life with)

* Oh, you’re still young you can have another baby? (why would anyone say this??!! – Please keep this one to yourself)

* Thank goodness you still have the other children (that’s just outright ridiculous! A loss of a child with siblings is a huge loss, a void which will impact the family unit)

* Don’t cry, he/she would want you to be happy (crying is fine how can you be happy at a time like this?)

* God knows how much you can bare and he knows best (at that moment, that’s good for God but right now, I cannot bare this loss and I don’t want to hear it)

* Well, he/she is not suffering anymore and they are now at peace (you may have a point, but that point needs not to be made during the mourning process. Let the mourner come to terms with that on their own time)

A loss of a loved one is an emotional time even for the mother whose child was a menace to society. The best advice that I can suggest is to give your condolences by simply saying – “I’m sorry for your loss.”

Here are a few suggestions to consider:

* Stop by and drop off something nice – a pie, a cake, flowers, cupcakes, fruit basket, something nice.

* Don’t linger on too long, make it a quick visit. If your friend is lonely, you may want to stay close by just in case they need you. However, give them space even if you are staying with him/her.

* Let your knowledge of your relationship be your guide – a friend knows when to hug, not hug, say something, not say anything but just be there when needed.

* Allow the mourner to cry, do not try to stop them from crying. You’re not helping, you are being annoying. If you are uncomfortable and unsure of what you should do, simply remain calm and quiet.

* Family members are usually tolerated for their behaviors, you know they are usually well known for their antics. Death usually brings out the worst in those who are nasty and mean spirited. The drunk family member will be sure to act out. The greed and discussions of who gets what can be an issue even before the funeral arrangements have been made. Fighting on the arrangements, how it should be done and all of the other details can also be an issue of contention.

Overall, death is such an incredible part of life. We are all affected by death and while everyone has his or her own way of dealing with a loss, think of how you would want to be treated – keep in mind it’s an incredibly difficult form of saying goodbye.

November 14, 2019

My Life. My Choice.

When faced with a diagnosis, one never really knows what they will do or how they will handle it. I never thought of it. I live a fairly healthy lifestyle. I avoid caffeine, alcohol, not much of a fan of sweets, rarely eat fast foods or take out. I take fitness classes alternating Pilates, spin/cycle and running throughout the week with Sunday as my rest day.

I had a pain in my side, it was beginning to concern me as it was not going away. At first I thought that it may have been caused by something I picked up, or pulled a muscle or some other reason. I decided that I would go and get checked, my doctor assumed by the description of my symptoms that I may have kidney stones. He referred me to a urologist who scheduled me for an ultrasound.

The pain was still there but it was not unbearable, just uncomfortable. I guess I was getting used to it. I had the ultrasound and was told that the doctor will call me with the results to schedule the surgery. I left feeling relieved. I looked forward to having the stones removed.

It was about five days later when the doctor’s office called and told me that I needed to come in for a follow up visit. I thought nothing of it as I just believed that it was to schedule the surgery to remove the kidney stones or at least discuss the options. I knew something was wrong when the doctor came in the room, she was different, she was not smiling, she sat down and signed on the computer while greeting me and asking me how I was doing – at the same time scrolling on the screen. Finally, she looked up at me, sighed and told me that I have kidney cancer.

Surprisingly, I just listened as she told me that I will have to have surgery to remove the cancer. It was a small mass and she said we can monitor it over time and as long as the mass is not growing, we can keep an eye on it. She also mentioned the ablation procedure which is less invasive and will have minimal to no side effects or we can remove the mass and try to preserve the kidney. She wanted me to think about it.

When I left the office, I sat in the car and just stared blankly not focusing on anything in particular. I think it was about 45 minutes before I started the car to leave the parking lot. I don’t even know how I made it home. I opened the door to my apartment, placed the keys on the table, went directly to my bed and fell asleep.

I woke up in the middle of the night and noticed that I had missed several calls. I went back to bed and laid there in the dark, quiet room alone. I thought about my day and how it all changed around 1:45 pm and it will never be the same again.

The next morning, I called my mother and left a message. She called me back and said that she was coming over for breakfast. She had no idea and was just excited to come over to my apartment, it has only been a year since I moved out after graduating college and started my first professional job. I knew that it would be very hard to tell my mother the news.

My mother and I had breakfast and after we finished, I told her that I was diagnosed with kidney cancer. She looked at me with her mouth wide open and a loud indescribable shriek came out. It was at that point that I hugged her and began to cry. It was the first time that I cried and I cried because she was crying. I wanted to be brave, but I broke down. After we were all cried out, it was as though we knew that it was time to figure out the next step. I shared the options with my mother and she recommended that I get a second opinion and then she would allow me to make the best decision for my treatment.

My mother said “Kim, I am here for you. Whatever you decide, it’s your choice. At that moment, I had another overwhelming feeling of fear. I had no idea what is best for me. I did not want to have the surgery so perhaps I should wait and see. Let’s monitor it. Then again, I should probably go with the ablation as it is less invasive with a quicker recovery time with little to no side effects (but what it was not all removed?). Maybe, I should just go for the full on removal option, I still have another kidney that works and once it’s gone I can get back to living my life. But why did I have cancer in my kidney? If I take it away, will it return for my other kidney? Whatever happens in the end, it is my life, my choice.

October 3, 2019June 30, 2020

The Guilt of Being A Caregiver to Someone You Should Love

It can be difficult caring for a loved one who is ill – more so when the loved one shows no love

I never thought of myself as a caregiver. I just knew that I had to be there to take care of my mother. She was going through a rough time facing lung cancer, it was rough for the both of us. I am mixed with emotions. My mother and I did not have a good relationship. She was a mean woman who yelled at me as long as I can remember for just about everything. Here I am dropping everything, canceling plans with my friends, spending time with a woman who rarely showed me any love. I’m still not sure that she even loves me. I am taking her to her doctors appointments, helping her to get dressed and undressed, making sure that she has her favorite foods, spending time with her and she is still nasty and mean. She is never satisfied. She is always complaining. She wants a cigarette, I say no and she calls me an evil bitch.

My life is now filled with resentment, I want to walk away. I want to leave her, for her to see what it is like to be alone with no one there to deal with her misery. I resent that my friends try to empathize with her, suggesting that it’s because of her illness. No, it is not. If she was a nice person when I was a kid then I would understand that might be the case, but she’s such a nasty person before lung cancer.

One night, the phone rang. I noticed that it was my mother calling, I looked at it while it rang. I am trying to decide whether I should answer her call. I am so angry at her for needing me.

Lia Y

Caregiver

excerpt from upcoming book The Day That Changed My Life – Cancer an uncertain journey

October 2, 2019

The Day That Changed My Life – Cancer & Marriage

Pamela and Mark’s journey

We have been married for eight years with three kids. This was my first marriage and Marks second marriage. Mark was diagnosed with prostate cancer. It was a hell of a time. Mark was scared but instead of talking about it he withdrew. There was often tension in the house. I took Mark to all of his appointments, he hardly spoke a word. I made sure that he had everything he wanted and still he never even said thanks. Mark became very cranky; the gentle soft spoken man that I had fallen in love with had become impatient especially with the kids. It felt as though he resented us being there and I knew I had to do something about it. It was not easy, as a matter of fact; I almost did not go through with it. One night when Mark was in his office, I went in and told him that we needed to talk. I told him that he needed to change his attitude especially with the kids. Mark just stared at me and then I had to take it a bit further. I told him that I did not know him anymore; he was not the same thoughtful, kind loving or gentle man. All we wanted to do was be there for him, we all loved him and were happy to be there and do whatever we could for him. I told him that he had become cranky and that he was pushing us away and if he did not change we will go away.

That night as we were in bed, Mark finally spoke. He told me that he was afraid. He was afraid of losing me, not being able to be there for me or the kids, he was afraid of dying.

Sometimes it’s difficult to express or share how one is feeling. Couples have shared how tough it can be trying to be a part of the process knowing that he or she can never truly feel what their loved one is going through. In some cases, the spouse, lover or partner finds the diagnosis to be too much to handle and they leave. However, there are those who really want to be there through it all. Communication is very important. Find a counselor or a support group.

(An excerpt from the upcoming book The Day That Changed My Life – cancer an uncertain journey)