Category: Cancer Journey

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Does It Even Matter?

In 1964, the US Surgeon General wrote a report that indicated the dangers of smoking stating that the nicotine and tar found in cigarettes causes lung cancer. As a result, Congress passed an act that cigarettes should be labeled with a warning (Cigarette Labeling and Advertising Act). The label showed: Cigarettes may be hazardous to your health.

Over the years the tobacco companies tried to make adjustments to the amount of nicotine and tar, improving the filters with the intentions of allaying the fears of the consumer. However, the truth is there was still a health concern. In the 1980’s the companies had to place these warnings every three months on the cigarette boxes.

Since then many efforts have been made to discourage smoking. Smoking bans have reached hotels, planes, restaurants, bars, pubs and clubs. Some employers even banned smoking not only in the offices but also anywhere near the office building. These attempts only infuriated the smokers but in now way did it deter them from smoking. After all they have may seen their loved ones die of lung cancer, watched the price increase of cigarettes go up to $14.50 and yet they would scrape their change together and purchase the cigarettes.

In and effort to make and impact the Food & Drug Administration launched a campaign that some may call a bit too graphic but I wonder, does it even matter?

WARNING: Cigarettes are addictive.
Tobacco use can rapidly lead to the development of nicotine addiction, which in turn increases the frequency of tobacco use and prevents people from quitting. Research suggests that nicotine is as addictive as heroin, cocaine, or alcohol.

WARNING: Tobacco smoke can harm your children.
Secondhand smoke can cause serious health problems in children. Children who are exposed to secondhand smoke are inhaling many of the same cancer-causing substances and poisons as smokers.

WARNING: Cigarettes cause fatal lung disease.
Smoking causes lung diseases such as emphysema, bronchitis, and chronic airway obstruction. About 90 percent of all deaths from chronic obstructive lung disease are caused by smoking.

WARNING: Cigarettes cause cancer.
Smoking causes approximately 90 percent of all lung cancer deaths in men and 80 percent of all lung cancer deaths in women. Smoking also causes cancers of the bladder, cervix, esophagus, kidney, larynx, lung, mouth, throat, stomach, uterus, and acute myeloid leukemia. Nearly one-third of all cancer deaths are directly linked to smoking.

WARNING: Cigarettes cause strokes and heart disease.
More than 140,000 deaths from heart disease and stroke in the United States are caused each year by smoking and secondhand smoke exposure. Compared with nonsmokers, smoking is estimated to increase the risk of coronary heart disease and stroke by 2 to 4 times.

WARNING: Smoking during pregnancy can harm your baby.
Smoking during pregnancy can increase the risk of miscarriage, stillborn or premature infants, infants with low birth weight and an increased risk for sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS).

WARNING: Smoking can kill you.
More than 1,200 people a day are killed by cigarettes in the United States alone, and 50 percent of all long-term smokers are killed by smoking-related diseases. Tobacco use is the cause of death for nearly one out of every five people in the United States, which adds up to about 443,000 deaths annually.

WARNING: Tobacco smoke causes fatal lung disease in nonsmokers.
Nonsmokers who are exposed to secondhand smoke are inhaling many of the same cancer-causing substances and poisons as smokers. Nonsmokers who are exposed to secondhand smoke increase their risk of developing lung cancer by 20–30 percent.

WARNING: Quitting smoking now greatly reduces serious risks to your health.
Quitting at any age and at any time is beneficial. It’s never too late to quit, but the sooner the better. Quitting gives your body a chance to heal the damage caused by smoking.

There is no better day than today to quit smoking cigarettes and reclaim your health and well-being. Each cigarette you put out permanently reduces your risk of developing serious illnesses like cancer, heart disease, and respiratory problems. Quitting now, no matter how long you’ve smoked, significantly improves your health outcomes, allowing you to breathe easier, have more energy, and enjoy a longer, healthier life.

Remember, you are not alone in this journey, and there is ample support available. Resources such as the CDC’s Quitline (1-800-QUIT-NOW), Smokefree.gov, and the American Lung Association offer free and proven methods, from counseling and support groups to nicotine replacement therapies, all designed to empower you to break free from nicotine addiction and embrace a smoke-free future starting today.

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The Unexpected Start of 2024


It was the first Sunday of the New Year! Awakened by an intense pain, she knew she would not make it to church. It was much too much. She had to get to the hospital, her husband got the car. It was very early, still dark, the sun had not yet appeared. In fact, the forecast of a snow storm was expected that day. The drive to the Emergency Department brought a great sense of relief as the pain would be taken care of.

The sterile white walls of the emergency room seemed to hum with fluorescent light, amplifying the thudding rhythm of Stephanie’s heart. Her back, the culprit of her visit, throbbed a dull counterpoint. But it was the doctor’s words, echoing in the sterile air, that truly stole her breath: “Two small nodules on your lung” the words echoing in the cavernous space of her skull. Small, he’d said. But the word echoed like a thunderclap, each syllable reverberating with uncertainty.

Stephanie, ever the pragmatist, had nodded politely, the news seemingly bouncing off her carefully constructed shield of composure. She’d asked clarifying questions, her voice betraying no hint of the tremor in her hands.

She’d come for the back pain, a nagging ache that had morphed into a sharp, unwelcome guest. But the CT scan, meant to reveal kidney stones or a pinched nerve, had unearthed something far more unsettling. Nodules. The word hung heavy, its weight threatening to crush the carefully constructed facade of calm she’d presented to the doctor.

In the quiet solitude of the examination room, the mask slipped. The ache in her back was forgotten, replaced by a chilling emptiness in her chest. Two nodules. What did they mean? Were they shadows, harmless wisps on her scan, or ominous portents of something worse?

Her mind, once a whirlwind of deadlines and errands, became a hurricane of possibilities. Images flashed, each one a grimmer echo of the last: needles glinting in sterile hands, hushed voices in sterile hallways, waiting rooms filled with the ghosts of unspoken anxieties.

The doctor’s reassurances, delivered with practiced optimism, felt like whispers in a storm. “Further tests, of course,” he’d said, “but try not to worry.” Try not to worry. Easier said than done when the future seemed to stretch before her, a vast, uncharted ocean, dotted with the treacherous reefs of “what ifs.”

She forced a smile for the nurse. The world outside seemed to have muted its colors, the vibrant reds and greens of the city park across the street replaced by a monochrome palette of fear.

The hours that followed were an eternity of waiting, of stealing glances at the clock, of replaying the doctor’s words in her head like a broken record. Each creak of the door, each hurried step in the hallway, sent her heart into a frantic dance.

But amidst the fear, a flicker of defiance. This wasn’t the end. Not yet. She would face this, this unwelcome shadow lurking in her lungs, with the same grit she’d faced every other challenge life had thrown her way.

She closed her eyes, picturing her grandmother and mother, recalling the foundation of faith, their prayers and resilience. They faced many challenges throughout their lives. “Life is a tapestry, Stephanie,” mother once said, her voice dramatically animated, “woven with threads of joy and sorrow, light and dark. But it’s up to you to choose the color of the final stitch.”

And so, Stephanie chose defiance. She would weave this thread, this dark, unexpected thread, into the tapestry of her life. It wouldn’t define her, wouldn’t erase the vibrant colors of her past or dim the possibilities of her future. It would be a challenge, a hurdle, but one she would face with courage, with hope, with the unwavering belief that even in the shadow of uncertainty, the final stitch could still be a thread of light.

As the day seemed over, the dark dreary clouds created a complete covering of the sky, as though it aligned with the unexpected news of the day. Taking a short walk to the car, still in pain, the earlier hopes of leaving the Emergency Department with some relief were dashed. Stephanie felt a shift within her. The fear was still there, a cold ember in her chest, but it was no longer the only thing she felt. There was defiance, a quiet resolve, a determination to weave this unexpected thread into a story of resilience, of facing the unknown with courage and grace.

The doctor’s referral would bring answers, some definitive, some shrouded in the grey fog of further tests. But for now, Stephanie found solace in the quiet strength that had risen within her. She would face this, she would fight, and she would, one stitch at a time, weave a tapestry of hope, even in the shadow of two small, ominous nodules.

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Unusual Symptoms of Cancer

Cancer is a complex disease that can affect any part of the body. It is a leading cause of death worldwide, and early detection is critical for improving survival rates. While many people are aware of the common symptoms of cancer, such as a lump, unexplained weight loss, and fatigue, there are also some unusual symptoms that can be signs of cancer.

In this article, we will discuss some of the more unusual symptoms of cancer, as well as the cancers that they may be associated with. We will also explain why these symptoms may be more likely to be caused by cancer.

Sudden hearing loss: Hearing loss can be a symptom of nasopharyngeal cancer, a type of cancer that starts in the back of the nose and throat.

Trouble swallowing: Difficulty swallowing can be a symptom of esophageal cancer, a type of cancer that starts in the food pipe.

Swelling in the legs or feet: Unexplained swelling in the legs or feet can be a symptom of kidney cancer or ovarian cancer.

Unexplained weight gain: While most people associate cancer with weight loss, some types of cancer, such as pancreatic cancer, can actually cause weight gain.

Night sweats: Night sweats can be a symptom of lymphoma, a type of cancer that starts in the lymph nodes.

Chest pain: Chest pain can be a symptom of lung cancer or breast cancer.

Trouble breathing: Shortness of breath can be a symptom of lung cancer or lymphoma.

Seizures: Seizures can be a symptom of brain cancer.

Memory problems: Memory problems can be a symptom of brain cancer or leukemia.

Changes in vision: Changes in vision, such as blurred vision or double vision, can be a symptom of brain cancer or eye cancer.

Changes in Bowel or Bladder Habits: Changes in bowel or bladder habits can be a sign of cancer in the colon, rectum, bladder, or prostate. These changes can include diarrhea, constipation, blood in the stool or urine, and frequent urination.

Skin Changes: Skin changes can be a sign of skin cancer or cancer that has spread to the skin. These changes can include a new mole, a mole that changes in size, shape, or color, or a sore that does not heal.

Fatigue: Fatigue is a common symptom of many types of cancer, but it can also be caused by other conditions. Fatigue caused by cancer is often persistent and unexplained.

It is important to see a doctor right away if you experience any of these unusual symptoms. Early diagnosis and treatment are important for improving the chances of survival for many types of cancer.

Here is a look at some additional tips for recognizing the signs and symptoms of cancer:

Be aware of your body and any changes that you notice.

Talk to your doctor about any concerns that you have.

Get regular cancer screenings, even if you don’t have any symptoms.

Early detection is key to successful cancer treatment. By being aware of the signs and symptoms of cancer and getting regular screenings, you can help increase your chances of survival.

Links for more information:

The American Cancer Society: https://www.cancer.org

The National Cancer Institute: https://www.cancer.gov

The Cancer Research UK: https://www.cancerresearchuk.org

It cannot be emphasized enough, how important it is to remember that these are just a few of the unusual symptoms of cancer. If you experience any of these symptoms, it is important to see a doctor right away to get checked out. Early diagnosis and treatment is essential for the best possible outcome for people with cancer.

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The Right To Die

The Right to Die is a controversial topic that has been debated for many years. There are many different opinions on this issue, and it is important to consider all of the challenges, controversies, and benefits before making a decision. It may be referred as death with dignity, or assisted suicide.

One of the main challenges of the Right to Die is that it can be difficult to determine when a person is truly ready to die. Some people may feel like they are ready to die when they are in pain or when they are no longer able to live independently. However, others may feel like they are ready to die when they are simply tired of living. It is important to make sure that a person is truly ready to die before they make a decision to end their life and thankfully, there are systems in place to ensure that the individual patient is well informed and has received the proper counseling.

Another challenge of the Right to Die is that it can be difficult to ensure that a person’s wishes are carried out. If a person decides to end their life, they may want to make sure that their family and friends are aware of their decision. They may also want to make sure that their doctors are aware of their decision so that they can provide them with the necessary assistance. However, it is not always possible to ensure that a person’s wishes are carried out.

The Right to Die is also controversial because it can be seen as a form of suicide. Suicide is a serious issue, and it is important to make sure that people who are considering suicide are getting the help they need. However, it is important to remember that the Right to Die is not the same as suicide. The Right to Die is a decision that a person makes about their own life, and it is not something that is forced upon them. The individual is weighing what they consider is best for them in their own journey through life – all the way to the end.

As of March 8, 2023, physician-assisted suicide is legal in 11 US states and the District of Columbia. These states are:

  • California
  • Colorado
  • District of Columbia
  • Hawaii
  • Maine
  • Montana
  • New Jersey
  • New Mexico
  • Oregon
  • Vermont
  • Washington

In addition to these states, physician-assisted suicide is also legal in the Netherlands, Belgium, Luxembourg, Switzerland, Canada, and several countries in South America and Europe.

The laws governing physician-assisted suicide vary from state to state and may be monitored by a nurse as the patient takes the medication on their own. In general, however, patients must be mentally competent, terminally ill, and have a prognosis of six months or less to live. They must also request physician-assisted suicide on two separate occasions, at least 15 days apart.

Physician-assisted suicide is a controversial issue, and there are strong arguments both for and against it. Those who support physician-assisted suicide argue that it gives terminally ill patients the right to control their own death and to die with dignity. They also argue that it can help to alleviate suffering and that it can be a more humane alternative to prolonged illness and death.

Those who oppose physician-assisted suicide argue that it is morally wrong to help someone to kill themselves. They also argue that it can lead to abuse, and that it can send the message that life is not worth living if it is not free of pain and suffering.

The right to die is a complex issue with many challenges, controversies, and benefits. Some of the challenges include:

  • Defining what constitutes “dying.” What does it mean to be “dying”? Some people believe that only people who are terminally ill should have the right to die, while others believe that anyone who is suffering should have the right to end their life.
  • Determining who should be able to make the decision to die. Should the decision to die be made by the individual, by their family, or by a doctor?
  • Ensuring that people who choose to die are not pressured into doing so. There is a risk that people who are terminally ill or who are suffering from mental illness may feel pressured into ending their lives, even if they do not truly want to die.
  • Providing support for people who choose to die and their loved ones. People who choose to die and their loved ones may need support in dealing with the emotional and practical challenges of dying.

Some of the controversies surrounding the right to die include:

  • The role of religion. Some religions believe that suicide is a sin and that people who die by suicide will not go to heaven. Others believe that God gives people the right to choose to die and that God will not judge them for doing so.
  • The role of the government. Some people believe that the government should not interfere with people’s right to die, while others believe that the government should regulate the practice of assisted suicide.
  • The role of doctors. Some doctors believe that they should not be involved in helping people to die, while others believe that they have a duty to help patients who are suffering.

Some of the benefits of the right to die include:

  • Giving people control over their own deaths. People who choose to die can do so in a way that is meaningful to them. They can also avoid the pain and suffering that comes with a terminal illness.
  • Relieving the burden on loved ones. People who choose to die can relieve the burden on their loved ones of caring for them. This can be especially helpful for families who are struggling financially or emotionally.
  • Providing peace of mind. People who choose to die can provide peace of mind for themselves and for their loved ones. They can know that they are in control of their own deaths and that they will not have to suffer needlessly.

People who are terminally ill or who are suffering from a debilitating condition may want to end their lives so that they can die on their own terms and alleviate the long suffering as their family and friends gather around for visits. The patient is already overwhelmed with the process of dying and struggling with the idea of being a burden. The Right to Die can also give people the peace of mind knowing that they have the option to end their lives if they choose.

Above all, have compassion for those who are making those difficult decisions. Be grateful and hopeful that you nor your loved ones would ever have to consider such a life altering option.

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Challenges of Surviving Cancer

Photo by Anna Tarazevich

Surviving cancer is a difficult journey, and there are many challenges that survivors face. One of the biggest challenges is the fear of recurrence. Survivors often worry that their cancer will come back, and this can be a major source of anxiety. Another challenge is the guilt of surviving. Survivors may feel guilty that they survived when others did not, or they may feel guilty about the side effects that they have experienced.

These challenges can be difficult to cope with, but there are things that survivors can do to help themselves. One important thing is to talk to a therapist or counselor. Therapy can help survivors to deal with their fears, guilt, and other emotions. It can also help survivors to develop coping mechanisms and to build a support network.

Another important thing that survivors can do is to take care of their physical and mental health. This means eating a healthy diet, getting enough exercise, and getting enough sleep. It also means taking care of their mental health by practicing relaxation techniques and by talking to friends and family members.

Surviving cancer is a difficult journey, but it is a journey that can be survived. By taking care of themselves and by getting the support they need, survivors can overcome the challenges that they face and live a healthy and happy life.

Photo by Thirdman

Here are some additional tips for survivors of cancer:

  • Stay positive. It is important to stay positive and to focus on the good things in life. This can be difficult, but it is important to remember that you are not alone and that there are people who care about you.
  • Connect with others. It is important to connect with others who have survived cancer. This can be done through support groups, online forums, or simply by talking to friends and family members who have been through similar experiences.
  • Take care of yourself. It is important to take care of yourself, both physically and mentally. This means eating a healthy diet, getting enough exercise, and getting enough sleep. It also means taking care of your mental health by practicing relaxation techniques and by talking to friends and family members.
  • Be patient. It takes time to recover from cancer. Be patient with yourself and with others. Do not expect to be back to normal overnight.

Celebrate your successes. It is important to celebrate your successes, no matter how small they may seem. This will help you to stay positive and to focus on the good things in life.

Photo by Tara Winstead
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Young and Diagnosed with Colon Cancer

Photo by Ivan Samkov

While the screening age was changed from 50 to 45 years old, the number of young adults with colon cancer are on the rise. There are many factors that may have contributed to the surge in cases of the younger generations. One can only imagine that diet and the lack of exercise along with other habits may be responsible as well. In fact, the projections indicate that colon cancer will be the leading cause of death for those ages 20 -49 by the year 2030 which is pretty close as time flies.

Unfortunately, in some cases of young adults with colon cancer – the process of being diagnosed takes much longer as they are often addressing the typical concerns that may be similar to the symptoms of crohn’s disease, irritable bowel syndrome, among other life altering diseases. It is important to know your family’s health history, however, it is also important to follow through with your doctor – share symptoms, inquire about screening. Early detection may save your life.

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Health & Wellness begins on Monday

Photo by Julia Larson

Are you one of those who will make the weekend decision to begin on Monday? “Starting on Monday I will eat healthy, exercise and try to maintain a healthy diet and weight.” Of course, there are those who will make the attempt on Monday and successfully make it through the week with their goals. However, there are some who with the best intentions fall off the track simply by eating a snack or making a food choice that they know is not the best healthy choice – using that moment to then continue to eat whatever and as much as they want with the new proclamation to begin the healthy plan again next week. There are also the office events, someone’s leaving, someone’s birthday, someone felt like bringing in a homemade pie or cookies, etc. and you certainly do not want to offend anyone so you indulge. On the other hand, it may be missing the morning run or a gym day. Whatever the situation, do not allow it to take you completely off your track.

Photo by Julia Larson

Keep in mind that you are working to improve your health and wellness. Therefore,you will need to make the necessary adjustments. So you missed a day at the gym, or you woke up late and could not go for your walk/run, you enjoyed a meal or snack that is not on your healthy plan list, the next meal should be one that is healthy. If possible, use the stairs on your way out of the office. Once you are home, plan to do some jumping jacks, sit ups, push ups, and any other indoor exercises that may work for you.

Photo by Julia Larson

Good health requires consistency and it is a work in progress. The challenge is to eat healthy and maintain a well balanced diet to enjoy a healthy and prolonged life. Keep moving through the detours, you will find that you are well on your way in the right direction. It is very important to note that diet and exercise may lower your risk for cancer and here’s more on helping cancer survivors eat better and exercise more.

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Cancer and Coronavirus

The challenge of cancer during a pandemic

Summer is here and what a year it has been. We are half way through the year and as it was just a mere six months ago when everyone who endured the winter season, looked forward to the warm weather and just before Spring arrived, we were faced with a terrifying virus that caused the country to ask their citizens to shelter in place while they figured out how to contain the coronavirus.

Everything changed within a matter of days. The number of cases climbed so high as hundreds of people were dying daily, then it was thousands and the hospitals were overwhelmed. New York was preparing for the worst using every resource available, including make shift hospitals in Central Park and the Jacob Javits Center. The Navy Hospital Ship Comfort came to help with the non-covid patients as the hospitals were running out of space and could not accommodate their regular level of patients.

It was just too much to take in. The news coverage was focused on hearing from the healthcare experts, while they too figured out how to address this relatively unknown monster. First, they said, just wash your hands and avoid touching your face, you’ll be just fine if you follow these simple rules. “Don’t wear a mask!” they emphasized, “Leave that to the health professionals.” We quickly learned that the advice was not enough. They initially thought it was most likely going to affect the elderly and immunocompromised – until it was not the case. The death rates were highest among the minority population, but make no mistake, people from all ages and races were dying. Yet, while all this was going on, some people pushed back and refused to take COVID-19 seriously they failed to adhere to the precautionary and safety measures. Somehow, it became about their constitutional rights.

However, for those with cancer, the concern is grave. What about the treatments? Will it affect my chance at survival? Can I go to the hospital for treatment? Will I catch the virus if I go to the hospital or my doctor’s office? How will I get there? Do I have a chance at all? Cancer patients are most vulnerable during treatment and cannot afford to be exposed to anything, not even the common cold. The body needs to work on regaining its health and as it is literally in the fight for life mode, the last thing it needs is to contract a virus, especially the coronavirus.

The plea to all is simply, wear a mask. Avoid large crowds, stay home, stay safe, try to keep your loved ones free from exposure even if you don’t feel sick or have any symptoms, you may be a carrier. In the event that you do not live with your family or have no plans to visit, be mindful that there are others who are merely trying to keep themselves and their loved ones safe.

In the meantime, for the cancer patient, avoid going out unless it is absolutely necessary this summer. Stay home, wash your hands whenever you are handling anything from the outside, clean it off. Disinfect your your door knobs, the handles or the area where you open and close the refrigerator door, your toilet handle, the faucet knobs/handles, any area where others may have touched the surfaces, you want to keep your environment clean. If you have a backyard, go out and plant some flowers, vegetables or plants. Read a good book, watch some movies or binge watch your favorite shows, try out some new shows. Be creative, cook, draw, paint, bake, write, join an online group that features your favorite hobby, watch some things of interest on YouTube. Whatever it takes to keep you occupied, take this time to make the best of being indoors. Most importantly, wear a mask, even when you are home and someone comes to visit.

Summer 2020 will come and pass, make it a safe and enjoyable one.

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My Life. My Choice.

When faced with a diagnosis, one never really knows what they will do or how they will handle it. I never thought of it. I live a fairly healthy lifestyle. I avoid caffeine, alcohol, not much of a fan of sweets, rarely eat fast foods or take out. I take fitness classes alternating Pilates, spin/cycle and running throughout the week with Sunday as my rest day.

I had a pain in my side, it was beginning to concern me as it was not going away. At first I thought that it may have been caused by something I picked up, or pulled a muscle or some other reason. I decided that I would go and get checked, my doctor assumed by the description of my symptoms that I may have kidney stones. He referred me to a urologist who scheduled me for an ultrasound.

The pain was still there but it was not unbearable, just uncomfortable. I guess I was getting used to it. I had the ultrasound and was told that the doctor will call me with the results to schedule the surgery. I left feeling relieved. I looked forward to having the stones removed.

It was about five days later when the doctor’s office called and told me that I needed to come in for a follow up visit. I thought nothing of it as I just believed that it was to schedule the surgery to remove the kidney stones or at least discuss the options. I knew something was wrong when the doctor came in the room, she was different, she was not smiling, she sat down and signed on the computer while greeting me and asking me how I was doing – at the same time scrolling on the screen. Finally, she looked up at me, sighed and told me that I have kidney cancer.

Surprisingly, I just listened as she told me that I will have to have surgery to remove the cancer. It was a small mass and she said we can monitor it over time and as long as the mass is not growing, we can keep an eye on it. She also mentioned the ablation procedure which is less invasive and will have minimal to no side effects or we can remove the mass and try to preserve the kidney. She wanted me to think about it.

When I left the office, I sat in the car and just stared blankly not focusing on anything in particular. I think it was about 45 minutes before I started the car to leave the parking lot. I don’t even know how I made it home. I opened the door to my apartment, placed the keys on the table, went directly to my bed and fell asleep.

I woke up in the middle of the night and noticed that I had missed several calls. I went back to bed and laid there in the dark, quiet room alone. I thought about my day and how it all changed around 1:45 pm and it will never be the same again.

The next morning, I called my mother and left a message. She called me back and said that she was coming over for breakfast. She had no idea and was just excited to come over to my apartment, it has only been a year since I moved out after graduating college and started my first professional job. I knew that it would be very hard to tell my mother the news.

My mother and I had breakfast and after we finished, I told her that I was diagnosed with kidney cancer. She looked at me with her mouth wide open and a loud indescribable shriek came out. It was at that point that I hugged her and began to cry. It was the first time that I cried and I cried because she was crying. I wanted to be brave, but I broke down. After we were all cried out, it was as though we knew that it was time to figure out the next step. I shared the options with my mother and she recommended that I get a second opinion and then she would allow me to make the best decision for my treatment.

My mother said “Kim, I am here for you. Whatever you decide, it’s your choice. At that moment, I had another overwhelming feeling of fear. I had no idea what is best for me. I did not want to have the surgery so perhaps I should wait and see. Let’s monitor it. Then again, I should probably go with the ablation as it is less invasive with a quicker recovery time with little to no side effects (but what it was not all removed?). Maybe, I should just go for the full on removal option, I still have another kidney that works and once it’s gone I can get back to living my life. But why did I have cancer in my kidney? If I take it away, will it return for my other kidney? Whatever happens in the end, it is my life, my choice.

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The Guilt of Being A Caregiver to Someone You Should Love

It can be difficult caring for a loved one who is ill – more so when the loved one shows no love

I never thought of myself as a caregiver. I just knew that I had to be there to take care of my mother. She was going through a rough time facing lung cancer, it was rough for the both of us. I am mixed with emotions. My mother and I did not have a good relationship. She was a mean woman who yelled at me as long as I can remember for just about everything. Here I am dropping everything, canceling plans with my friends, spending time with a woman who rarely showed me any love. I’m still not sure that she even loves me. I am taking her to her doctors appointments, helping her to get dressed and undressed, making sure that she has her favorite foods, spending time with her and she is still nasty and mean. She is never satisfied. She is always complaining. She wants a cigarette, I say no and she calls me an evil bitch.

My life is now filled with resentment, I want to walk away. I want to leave her, for her to see what it is like to be alone with no one there to deal with her misery. I resent that my friends try to empathize with her, suggesting that it’s because of her illness. No, it is not. If she was a nice person when I was a kid then I would understand that might be the case, but she’s such a nasty person before lung cancer. 

One night, the phone rang. I noticed that it was my mother calling, I looked at it while it rang. I am trying to decide whether I should answer her call. I am so angry at her for needing me. 

Lia Y

Caregiver

excerpt from upcoming book The Day That Changed My Life – Cancer an uncertain journey